Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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