Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
