The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
