Where is the hickey?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
