Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
