she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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