you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Do vagina's smell?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
