I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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