At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
