Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
