My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
