Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
