I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
