id be glad to
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
