I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
