dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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