you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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