wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize