You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
