Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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