My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize