I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
