There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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