found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
