I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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