Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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