It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
