Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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