oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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