so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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