Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Text me some of your sweat
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
