i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
