question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
