roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
