chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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