I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
