I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize