just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
