I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
