is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
