i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
