remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
