What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
