paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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