Are we in a gay sports bar?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
