Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
