my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Im part way to drunk.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
