so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
