he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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