Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize