why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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