I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
