I could have mohawked her pubes.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
