How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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