it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
