and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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