She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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