Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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