i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
