i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
please come you make the beer taste better
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
