There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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