Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
