Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
this just has baby written all over it
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize