the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
