Can i not drive my cunt home
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
