I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
