someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
