Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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