i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
