Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
