I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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