I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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