how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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