I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
