I smell stomach acid.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize