Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
