I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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