So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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