We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
