...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
