Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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