TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
dude. I can hear the air.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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