I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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